These last few months Cairistiona and I have really learned about depending on God. We have learned that apart from Him we can truly do nothing. We both lost out jobs and have been seeking His direction for the way forward. Financially, times are tight. I get that. It is happening everywhere we look. We are left in a place where we are utterly dependent on the Father.
A week ago my son was born. He too is utterly dependent upon his parents to care for him. The longer I reflect on this the more grateful I am to be called a child of God. That statement in itself is easy to say, but harder to believe. And yet, its true! I am a child of God, utterly dependent on Him. I could not survive without Him anymore than Ezra could survive without someone to care for him.
Thank you Lord for loving us; for never leaving us or forsaking us. You are Glory!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Letter to God
Dear God,
The life I want most for myself is actually hard to describe. Mainly because I do not have many expectations. I used to have goals, but I don't have any now. When I think where do I want to be in a few year, nothing amazing comes to mind.
I guess the more I think about it, I do desire to be a godly father and husband. I desire to have a heart that is full of love for God and for people. I desire to care about others more than myself. I want to be an obedient, faithful, servant of the King.
I do try to live this life, but lately I have felt more selfish than I have in the past. I like my house. I like my leisure. And yet I know that these things do not matter. I desire for my heart to be full of joy regardless of my circumstances.
At the end of the day, at the core of who I want to be, I desire to be a reflection of Jesus Christ. I desire for people to no longer see me, but instead see Christ in how I live.
The life I want most for myself is actually hard to describe. Mainly because I do not have many expectations. I used to have goals, but I don't have any now. When I think where do I want to be in a few year, nothing amazing comes to mind.
I guess the more I think about it, I do desire to be a godly father and husband. I desire to have a heart that is full of love for God and for people. I desire to care about others more than myself. I want to be an obedient, faithful, servant of the King.
I do try to live this life, but lately I have felt more selfish than I have in the past. I like my house. I like my leisure. And yet I know that these things do not matter. I desire for my heart to be full of joy regardless of my circumstances.
At the end of the day, at the core of who I want to be, I desire to be a reflection of Jesus Christ. I desire for people to no longer see me, but instead see Christ in how I live.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
The Walls are Closing In
I think its about time that I write a little bit about what I am feeling, and not so much about the new knowledge that God is teaching me. These, however, have the potential to coincide. But, I am not seeking to write about what God is necessarily teaching me, but simply express what I am feeling in my inner being.
I am a little lost. I don't understand really anything that is going on in my life. A month a go I was let go from my job, and this month my wife was let go from her job. Our baby is due in a few weeks. Our church feels very unstable, and I am not sure how many years longer it will actually last. God of course can turn this all around, but at the moment it feels like the walls are closing in, and we have no ware to go.
I keep having this image in my mind when the star wars characters are stuck in the trash shoot and the walls are closing in. Luke keeps trying to put something in the way to stop the walls but nothing is working. I have applied to a few jobs, but they have all bent. The walls keep closing in.
Where is God leading us? Why have we lost our jobs? What is going on at the church I have served at for the last three years? Where is God leading us to be? Do I faith? Sure I do. But where am I headed, Lord? I am completely dependent on You. yet I do not have even the slightest sense of where you want me to be.
It has been less than a year since we moved into our house. I'd rather not have to move again. Especially with the baby coming so soon. But, whatever you want to do God I am ready to follow. I just am asking for a little clue for the direction you want me to go. I trust you, Lord.
I am a little lost. I don't understand really anything that is going on in my life. A month a go I was let go from my job, and this month my wife was let go from her job. Our baby is due in a few weeks. Our church feels very unstable, and I am not sure how many years longer it will actually last. God of course can turn this all around, but at the moment it feels like the walls are closing in, and we have no ware to go.
I keep having this image in my mind when the star wars characters are stuck in the trash shoot and the walls are closing in. Luke keeps trying to put something in the way to stop the walls but nothing is working. I have applied to a few jobs, but they have all bent. The walls keep closing in.
Where is God leading us? Why have we lost our jobs? What is going on at the church I have served at for the last three years? Where is God leading us to be? Do I faith? Sure I do. But where am I headed, Lord? I am completely dependent on You. yet I do not have even the slightest sense of where you want me to be.
It has been less than a year since we moved into our house. I'd rather not have to move again. Especially with the baby coming so soon. But, whatever you want to do God I am ready to follow. I just am asking for a little clue for the direction you want me to go. I trust you, Lord.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Lord, Save Us from Your People
I watched an interesting documentary this last week called, "Lord, Save Us from Your People." The title itself has the potential to send you on the defensive, but the foundation of the documentary is helping to understand what people actually think about the church, Christians, and Jesus himself.
The main purpose of the video, as far as I could tell, was to encourage listeners to actually engage in relationship with other people. To love people where they are at, and allow the Holy Spirit to do His job in transforming lives. Christians have the potential to really crush a human spirit when they begin to judge the person. We are called to love, not to judge.
I recommended this video for anyone. It helps bring a healthy perspective to how Christians are viewed by others, and has the potential to stir your heart towards the "least of these." God has certainly been able to speak to me through it.
The main purpose of the video, as far as I could tell, was to encourage listeners to actually engage in relationship with other people. To love people where they are at, and allow the Holy Spirit to do His job in transforming lives. Christians have the potential to really crush a human spirit when they begin to judge the person. We are called to love, not to judge.
I recommended this video for anyone. It helps bring a healthy perspective to how Christians are viewed by others, and has the potential to stir your heart towards the "least of these." God has certainly been able to speak to me through it.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Solitude
As suggested from many of our readings, I took some time for solitude. This ended up being a great time for God to help me come up with some ideas for my Master project. I do not think I quite have everything I need still, but it was beneficial to have this time with the Lord (as it always it).
That being said, my time of solitude did not last very long. Sure I came up with one project idea out of it, but I believe God wants more from me. Then, on Saturday, I had a migraine. Now, migraines can be very painful and cause me to go to a place of solitude because that is how I deal with the pain. I believe God was able to use this migraine to bring me into the solitude He wants to have with me.
When in the toughest part of the migraine, I always find myself praying to the Lord. Sometimes I am begging for him to not let me die! Other times, however, it is actually a good chance for God to speak to me. This is because I am in solitude and there is no where else I can turn. Thank you Lord for speaking to me in my mandated solitude state!
I am glad that in the midst of terrible pain it is Christ whom I turn too. I pray this is the case with everything in my life. However, it does not always play out the same way. God, you are good. Thank you for all you do for me.
That being said, my time of solitude did not last very long. Sure I came up with one project idea out of it, but I believe God wants more from me. Then, on Saturday, I had a migraine. Now, migraines can be very painful and cause me to go to a place of solitude because that is how I deal with the pain. I believe God was able to use this migraine to bring me into the solitude He wants to have with me.
When in the toughest part of the migraine, I always find myself praying to the Lord. Sometimes I am begging for him to not let me die! Other times, however, it is actually a good chance for God to speak to me. This is because I am in solitude and there is no where else I can turn. Thank you Lord for speaking to me in my mandated solitude state!
I am glad that in the midst of terrible pain it is Christ whom I turn too. I pray this is the case with everything in my life. However, it does not always play out the same way. God, you are good. Thank you for all you do for me.
Friday, November 4, 2011
The Peace in the Chaos
After we came back from face to face, it has taken me a long time to get back into a rhythm of school work. The day after I returned I found out that I will be let go at my job because they can no longer afford to keep me. My wife is seven months pregnant, and will not be able to work for a while after the delivery. This is stressful.
It is almost Christmas time and this means a very busy season for me at the church. This year we are producing "A Charlie Brown Christmas." This means not only choir responsibilities, but building sets, and directing kids. On top of that, we are currently without a youth pastor. Cairistiona and I have stepped up to help fill the role while the church searches for the next youth pastor. One work: Chaos.
As I was leaving PREP the day I was let go, a peace came over me. I can only explain it as a peace that surpasses understanding. I should be freaking out (trust me I do have my moments). However, for the most part I have felt a calmness in my spirit. This is nothing else accept a gift of God's grace. There are reasons to be upset with PREP, but I am not. God is doing something new, and it is a privilege to have the opportunity to ride with Him.
I trust you Lord. I pray you will take care of my family. Glory be to you forever and ever...
It is almost Christmas time and this means a very busy season for me at the church. This year we are producing "A Charlie Brown Christmas." This means not only choir responsibilities, but building sets, and directing kids. On top of that, we are currently without a youth pastor. Cairistiona and I have stepped up to help fill the role while the church searches for the next youth pastor. One work: Chaos.
As I was leaving PREP the day I was let go, a peace came over me. I can only explain it as a peace that surpasses understanding. I should be freaking out (trust me I do have my moments). However, for the most part I have felt a calmness in my spirit. This is nothing else accept a gift of God's grace. There are reasons to be upset with PREP, but I am not. God is doing something new, and it is a privilege to have the opportunity to ride with Him.
I trust you Lord. I pray you will take care of my family. Glory be to you forever and ever...
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