Final round: searching for balance

   As I begin my last semester is the masters program, I find myself continuing in my search for balance. Balance if school, church, and family. Whenever I seem to have the leg up on one, another one slips through he cracks. And in the midst of all that, God should remain the priority. Oh how I can't let that go.

   Lord, I pray for balance. I pray to keep you my priority. I pray for wisdom to live as you have called me to live.

Desperation

God has a way if bringing us to the edge, have us look over, dangle for a bit, until we find ourselves in such desperation that we realize we are nothing without him.

I have been a pastor only three months, and their are still times when I thnk to myself, "I got this."  Well, no I don't. God rremobded me again this week that I am nothing without him. Apart from thin I can do nothing. 

I am thankful for times if desperation. Those moments when we realizes, I can do this, but I know who can. I am thankful that when I cry our to my Heavenly Father, He is faithful to respond. 

Thank you Lord for being so gracious to me. I don't deserve it. I am thankful for your love. And thankful that you always show up in my desperation for you. 

Overwhelmed

Dave  sent out a letter yesterday with all of our assignments on it for the net two weeks. Honestly, thi feels completely overwhelming. Two 10 page power. Read two book. Write two smaller papers. Work on the capstone project. Plus write a sermon. Plus be a pastor. Yikes!!!

It really stresses me out. Nd I am still learning to deal with stress effectively.a lot of times stress will push me to act in a terrible manner. I get short with people and snappy. Especially with my wife. I not like that person. I don't want to be that guy. 

So what do I do? I have to do the work. I have it fit it in to my buy life schedule. I know I am not a lone in it, but that does not make it all that much easier. 

Lord help me. I need help dealing with stress. I need help with time management. I need help to get thi work done. Amen. 

Needed Rest

For Thanksgiving we visited manny up in union Iowa. It was so nice to have the opportunity to shut my brain off. I didn't know if I could do it, but I did!

It was such a blessed few days to spend with friends. Cairistiona has had some trouble connecting with people in Iowa. She made a great friend this weekend. 

Thank you Lord for good friends. Thank you for being a relational God and helping is be relational with others. 

Dealing with Stress

I had a wonderful talk with Tony today about stress. I made a few very important discoveries about Cairistiona and myself. We have both been very stressed lately and it was hard to pinpoint why. Today, however, I believe we have made a breakthrough.

Cairistiona thrives on deep relationships. The only person she has that with right now in our new situation is me. As a result when I am gone the stress builds up. She wants me to be home. Then when I am home the stress erupts. Usually all over me.

The other half is that I am task oriented. I see the tasks that need done and then work to get them finished. When I am at home, I am stressing over all the tasks that need to be completed. Therefore, when I am gone Cairistiona is stressed. When I am home, I get stressed. All the stress builds together and comes out in silly conflict between the two of us.

This is a huge understanding in knowing who we are and what we need. We are wired different. What I need is different from what she needs. What I value is different than what she values. In understanding this, we can begin to counter the stress in a healthy way.

Thank you Lord for this insight. Nothing is more important than Life with you, and the health of our family. May these always be the priority.

Separation Anxiety

I just read how Jesus was able to separate himself from people's expectations and live in obedience o the father. One of my weaknesses is that I have a weird need to be liked. Separating myself from people's expectations of me gives me anxiety. I know it's the right thing it do, but it really is hard for me. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I want to help everyone. 

I guess that is the point the author is trying to make here. I can't be Jesus, so I better act like him. My expectations need to come from the Father and not people. I need to pray. 

This story rattles me because I can connect with it is much. I need to be the leader God makes me it be. I need to stand up for Truth and not be washy washy. Lord help me. 

This is all based on the book the emotionally healthy church. Always remember the opening story. Listen and obey. 

In Desperate Need

It does not matter what phase if life you are in, your need for Jesus never ceases. As a sinner you need Jesus. As an early believer, you need Jesus. As a mature follower, you need Jesus. In death, you need Jesus. And now, as I lay here in my bed, I realize my need for Jesus. 

Sometimes I feel unfit for the call of pastoral ministry. Who am I? I am no one. However, here I am. Called to do what The Lord asks me to. And so I realize once again, I need Jesus. I am lost without him. 

Honestly, sometimes I feel lost with him. Not because He is misguiding or anything. But, I get easily distracted by all of that, that does not matter. Bummer. What a waste. Lord, please do fife up in me or take your Spirit from me. 

I need Jesus. That will never end. It is as true today as it was yesterday as it will be tomorrow. Thank you Lord for fifilling this incredible need.