The Walls are Closing In

I think its about time that I write a little bit about what I am feeling, and not so much about the new knowledge that God is teaching me. These, however, have the potential to coincide. But, I am not seeking to write about what God is necessarily teaching me, but simply express what I am feeling in my inner being.

I am a little lost. I don't understand really anything that is going on in my life. A month a go I was let go from my job, and this month my wife was let go from her job. Our baby is due in a few weeks. Our church feels very unstable, and I am not sure how many years longer it will actually last. God of course can turn this all around, but at the moment it feels like the walls are closing in, and we have no ware to go.

I keep having this image in my mind when the star wars characters are stuck in the trash shoot and the walls are closing in. Luke keeps trying to put something in the way to stop the walls but nothing is working. I have applied to a few jobs, but they have all bent. The walls keep closing in.

Where is God leading us? Why have we lost our jobs? What is going on at the church I have served at for the last three years? Where is God leading us to be? Do I faith? Sure I do. But where am I headed, Lord? I am completely dependent on You. yet I do not have even the slightest sense of where you want me to be.

It has been less than a year since we moved into our house. I'd rather not have to move again. Especially with the baby coming so soon. But, whatever you want to do God I am ready to follow. I just am asking for a little clue for the direction you want me to go. I trust you, Lord.

Lord, Save Us from Your People

I watched an interesting documentary this last week called, "Lord, Save Us from Your People." The title itself has the potential to send you on the defensive, but the foundation of the documentary is helping to understand what people actually think about the church, Christians, and Jesus himself.

The main purpose of the video, as far as I could tell, was to encourage listeners to actually engage in relationship with other people. To love people where they are at, and allow the Holy Spirit to do His job in transforming lives. Christians have the potential to really crush a human spirit when they begin to judge the person. We are called to love, not to judge.

I recommended this video for anyone. It helps bring a healthy perspective to how Christians are viewed by others, and has the potential to stir your heart towards the "least of these." God has certainly been able to speak to me through it.

Solitude

As suggested from many of our readings, I took some time for solitude. This ended up being a great time for God to help me come up with some ideas for my Master project. I do not think I quite have everything I need still, but it was beneficial to have this time with the Lord (as it always it).

That being said, my time of solitude did not last very long. Sure I came up with one project idea out of it, but I believe God wants more from me. Then, on Saturday, I had a migraine. Now, migraines can be very painful and cause me to go to a place of solitude because that is how I deal with the pain. I believe God was able to use this migraine to bring me into the solitude He wants to have with me.

When in the toughest part of the migraine, I always find myself praying to the Lord. Sometimes I am begging for him to not let me die! Other times, however, it is actually a good chance for God to speak to me. This is because I am in solitude and there is no where else I can turn. Thank you Lord for speaking to me in my mandated solitude state!

I am glad that in the midst of terrible pain it is Christ whom I turn too. I pray this is the case with everything in my life. However, it does not always play out the same way. God, you are good. Thank you for all you do for me.

The Peace in the Chaos

After we came back from face to face, it has taken me a long time to get back into a rhythm of school work. The day after I returned I found out that I will be let go at my job because they can no longer afford to keep me. My wife is seven months pregnant, and will not be able to work for a while after the delivery. This is stressful.

It is almost Christmas time and this means a very busy season for me at the church. This year we are producing "A Charlie Brown Christmas." This means not only choir responsibilities, but building sets, and directing kids. On top of that, we are currently without a youth pastor. Cairistiona and I have stepped up to help fill the role while the church searches for the next youth pastor. One work: Chaos.

As I was leaving PREP the day I was let go, a peace came over me. I can only explain it as a peace that surpasses understanding. I should be freaking out (trust me I do have my moments). However, for the most part I have felt a calmness in my spirit. This is nothing else accept a gift of God's grace. There are reasons to be upset with PREP, but I am not. God is doing something new, and it is a privilege to have the opportunity to ride with Him.

I trust you Lord. I pray you will take care of my family. Glory be to you forever and ever...

Identitiy

Today I have been reflecting on what I have learned about identity. Every on searching for it. Everyone longs to have identity in something. This is why so many people join clubs, or are a part of an organization. They long to be able to identify who we are.

When I look at an older generation, I see that a lot of what they know of who they are is changing. There bodies are not working the way they used to. Our culture does not uphold a value of the elderly. It seems that every day they loose a little more of who they are. Therefore, when it comes to the church, subconsciously or consciously, they do not want anything to change. They are clinging to the identity the have in the church. For many people this could feel like all they have left.

It is important as leaders to help others find their identity in Christ and nothing more. If we invest our identity in a building, a religion, or a human being, we are setting ourselves up to fall away from that understood identity. Jesus Christ is the only thing that is unwavering. Our hope in God sustains us for eternity. This world and everything in it is passing away. Let us not put our identity stock in what will not last forever.

The What and the How

I have been thinking a lot about the "what" and the "how." Basically the "what" is never changing. It is the core values that make up who you are. It is the set of standards that are unwavering as you approach any position in ministry or leadership. Now, the "how" is what you do to accomplish the "what." This is constantly changing.

If you desire to teach students the love of God, the principals of who God is are always going to be the same. But how you present those characteristics are going to be different if you are speaking to elementary kids or high school kids. The "how" must change in order to stay relevant.

A problem that is a recurring problem in the church is when we take the "how" and legalize it. A certain look of a building, or the type of music we sing are a couple of examples. As leaders it is important to be aware of this dynamic in order to help others move past the "how" and keep focused on the "what."

Serving with Limitations

Jason and I spoke last week about being bold. We talked about making the most of every opportunity, and about being ready to minister to whoever God may lay in your path. This past week I had the opportunity to minister to an older man who I did not expect to even meet, let alone minister too.

The point I want to make in this entry is not that I was bold and helped a man. The reason being is because, even though I helped him a little, I still wished their was more that I could do. Jason encouraged me saying, "do everything you can do for him, not necessarily everything you think needs to be done for him."

We can only serve people with the means we are given. There is a limit to what we can do. It is good to remember those limits, and not be disappointed when we cannot do more. That is when we continue to hand the situation over to God. We can always pray, and so I have. I now pray for him often as the Lord continues to bring him to mind. I must trust that God will take care of him. God makes the impossible things possible.

Hanging in the Balance

Jason M. and I spoke again today We had a very good conversation again. A topic I would like to highlight today it remembering to keep our leadership in balance. Just like every other aspect of our lives, we must have balance in how we lead others.

This idea may be unclear, so I will try and clear it up. We must be balanced in how we deal with our leadership style. What I mean is we need to be bold at appropriate times, while remembering that our ideas may not be the best in the room. Ultimately our goal is to follow Christ. Sometimes as a leader you have to make a decision that may not be the most popular choice. However, we cannot turn into pastoral dictators who think that we always have the right answer There is always a balance that needs to be had.

Balance can be displayed in every aspect of our lives. We need balance between work and home; balance between personal devotion, time with others, and ministry. As leaders it is important to remember this.

On a side note, we talked a little more about insecurities. When we are able to see our own insecurities, they we are able to do something about it. Naming them is important. You cannot change anything when you do not see the issue. This week it is my intention and my prayer to be bold. I want to have the boldness to step out when I do not know the outcome. I do not know what it will look like, but I am sure God will give me the opportunity.

Climbing Up the Mountain

As I worked on my paper this week I thought a lot more about the importance of one-on-one encounters with God. We know that this is a basic understanding of what it is to be in relationship with God, and yet it so often gets lost in the shuffle of life. This cannot be. Not only can this not be for a follower of Christ, it most certainly cannot be for a leader of God's church. Without spending time with God how can we expect to discern His will? How do we expect to lead in a Godly manner?

God met Moses regularly. However, Moses still had to put for the effort to meet God on the mountain. Moses had to make the choice to meet with God. It did happen automatically or randomly, it happened intentional. God is always ready to come and meet with us, but we have to be willing to put forth the effort to meet with Him. As a result, transformational leadership will have to happen. This is because we are meeting with God. What other outcome would you expect?

Overcoming Insecurities

Jadon Ross suggested doing a blog in order to keep track of journal entries. I though this was a splendid idea, and so I created one as well. It seems like a easy way to organize entries, as well as give others in the program a chance to glean from what God is teaching us individually.

Jason Morones and I had our first conversation today. We began discussing a little bit about what we would like to see happen through our weekly visits. Right away we were able to get into discussion about pastoral leadership and how to be effective. I believe anyone who has been in leadership at all can attest to how hard it can be.

We touched a lot today on making sure to be wise to our own insecurities, and not allow them to overcome us. We also discussed the dangers of comparing ourselves to others. I struggle with that. I see gifts in others and wonder what I need to do to attain the same gifts. In my desire to be a good leader, I often sell myself short of what God has given me.

I pray that as I continue in this Masters program, that God will continue to reveal to me who he wants me to be. That I will learn how to overcome my insecurities and be able to step up and be the leader God has for me to be.