Desperation

God has a way if bringing us to the edge, have us look over, dangle for a bit, until we find ourselves in such desperation that we realize we are nothing without him.

I have been a pastor only three months, and their are still times when I thnk to myself, "I got this."  Well, no I don't. God rremobded me again this week that I am nothing without him. Apart from thin I can do nothing. 

I am thankful for times if desperation. Those moments when we realizes, I can do this, but I know who can. I am thankful that when I cry our to my Heavenly Father, He is faithful to respond. 

Thank you Lord for being so gracious to me. I don't deserve it. I am thankful for your love. And thankful that you always show up in my desperation for you. 

Overwhelmed

Dave  sent out a letter yesterday with all of our assignments on it for the net two weeks. Honestly, thi feels completely overwhelming. Two 10 page power. Read two book. Write two smaller papers. Work on the capstone project. Plus write a sermon. Plus be a pastor. Yikes!!!

It really stresses me out. Nd I am still learning to deal with stress effectively.a lot of times stress will push me to act in a terrible manner. I get short with people and snappy. Especially with my wife. I not like that person. I don't want to be that guy. 

So what do I do? I have to do the work. I have it fit it in to my buy life schedule. I know I am not a lone in it, but that does not make it all that much easier. 

Lord help me. I need help dealing with stress. I need help with time management. I need help to get thi work done. Amen. 

Needed Rest

For Thanksgiving we visited manny up in union Iowa. It was so nice to have the opportunity to shut my brain off. I didn't know if I could do it, but I did!

It was such a blessed few days to spend with friends. Cairistiona has had some trouble connecting with people in Iowa. She made a great friend this weekend. 

Thank you Lord for good friends. Thank you for being a relational God and helping is be relational with others. 

Dealing with Stress

I had a wonderful talk with Tony today about stress. I made a few very important discoveries about Cairistiona and myself. We have both been very stressed lately and it was hard to pinpoint why. Today, however, I believe we have made a breakthrough.

Cairistiona thrives on deep relationships. The only person she has that with right now in our new situation is me. As a result when I am gone the stress builds up. She wants me to be home. Then when I am home the stress erupts. Usually all over me.

The other half is that I am task oriented. I see the tasks that need done and then work to get them finished. When I am at home, I am stressing over all the tasks that need to be completed. Therefore, when I am gone Cairistiona is stressed. When I am home, I get stressed. All the stress builds together and comes out in silly conflict between the two of us.

This is a huge understanding in knowing who we are and what we need. We are wired different. What I need is different from what she needs. What I value is different than what she values. In understanding this, we can begin to counter the stress in a healthy way.

Thank you Lord for this insight. Nothing is more important than Life with you, and the health of our family. May these always be the priority.

Separation Anxiety

I just read how Jesus was able to separate himself from people's expectations and live in obedience o the father. One of my weaknesses is that I have a weird need to be liked. Separating myself from people's expectations of me gives me anxiety. I know it's the right thing it do, but it really is hard for me. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I want to help everyone. 

I guess that is the point the author is trying to make here. I can't be Jesus, so I better act like him. My expectations need to come from the Father and not people. I need to pray. 

This story rattles me because I can connect with it is much. I need to be the leader God makes me it be. I need to stand up for Truth and not be washy washy. Lord help me. 

This is all based on the book the emotionally healthy church. Always remember the opening story. Listen and obey. 

In Desperate Need

It does not matter what phase if life you are in, your need for Jesus never ceases. As a sinner you need Jesus. As an early believer, you need Jesus. As a mature follower, you need Jesus. In death, you need Jesus. And now, as I lay here in my bed, I realize my need for Jesus. 

Sometimes I feel unfit for the call of pastoral ministry. Who am I? I am no one. However, here I am. Called to do what The Lord asks me to. And so I realize once again, I need Jesus. I am lost without him. 

Honestly, sometimes I feel lost with him. Not because He is misguiding or anything. But, I get easily distracted by all of that, that does not matter. Bummer. What a waste. Lord, please do fife up in me or take your Spirit from me. 

I need Jesus. That will never end. It is as true today as it was yesterday as it will be tomorrow. Thank you Lord for fifilling this incredible need. 

Idols

Cairistiona and I have been working on changing and decorating my office. It used to be a community space. We have moved the extra computer and copier to another room and are working on making a "homie" environment that is welcoming when people are visiting with me. I think it is starting to look pretty good.

There are a few people here at the church who do not like change. In fact, it really frustrates them. There are a lot of plaques on the walls and on different items that have been donated. There is even one plaque on the cross at the front of the Sanctuary. This really bugs me. How do we find ourselves in a place where the physical things in the church building hold so much value to us? Isn't this a place that is supposed to be set aside to worship the Lord? Instead it has become a historical land site to remember loved ones. To me it feels border line idolitry.

I know that long term change takes time. However, this is an area that needs to be addressed. Lord, please help me to know how to approach it in order to have a positive, God honoring, result.

Spiritual Companionship

     This week we have been reading and discussion what it means to be a spiritual director and the need for spiritual companionship. This resonates so true with me. As I have accepted this pastoral position, moved from Denver, and are constantly meeting new people, I have discovered their is a bit of a void without those deep companionships. I long to have a spiritual friend who I can share my dreams with. One who enjoys the activities I enjoy.
    This was hard for me at first as well because I desire for God to be all I need. But then I began to remember that God created us to be in community. It is a part of who we are. And so I begin to pray for God to bring those types of connections here into my life.
     I think it is important to note that I am super thankful that my closest spiritual friend, my wife, is with me. Moving to Iowa has been completely different than when I moved to Ireland. I am blessed to have a family with me and to not be alone. Thank you Lord for this incredible blessing!

Preaching

I have been preaching now for about three weeks. Not three weeks straight, but three weeks in a row. I have found it rather amazing how God continues to give me what I need in order speak on a Sunday morning. I was originally very worried about content and the amount of content. My biggest fear was irrelevancy. However, up to this point, God has provided me with so much content. Today I actually had to cut out about have of my message because it was too long.

After the service, several people have spoken to me about how God was using what I said to speak into their lives. This is incredible. I really appreciate that they do not simply say, "hey that was a good job." They tell me what I said and how it is applicable to their lives. This is God at work. I cannot do this apart from Him (Jn 15).

I am sure as time goes on I will have seasons both good and bad when it comes to messages. Thankfully it is the Holy Spirit at work in the lives of people, and not dependent on just me. I trust He will continue to guide and direct me as I seek direction on what to speak on. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness!

I don't like being sick

It is now the second week of living in Iowa, and I am sick for the second time. I am really hoping that this is not a trend for me. I am sure it won't be, but still. 

Stepping into the role if pastor I have felt that I am stepping I to what I have always been called to. The last two years have been long. We have felt in limbo not sure where we belong. Although the transition to a new place has its difficulties, and the church had its issues, I am confident this is whee we are supposed to be. 

Transformational leadership has been an incredible aid for this step in my life. Although I miss the old cohort, I am thankful to have taken a year off. God works all things to the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. 

What has given me the most anxiety has been Sunday morning messages. My greatest fear is to he irrelevant. Lord in pray you will help me to speak in such a way that people are drawn to you and you alone. I am thankful that my classes have aided me in content and direction. The cool thing is I am not doing it on purpose. God places in my heart the need to speak on identity. The last classes with Tony have spoken directly into this topic. God is good. 

Week One

I am finishing up my first week if being a sr pastor. It has been pretty much what I expected up to this point. It seems every church has its own quirks, but they also seem to be synonymous with issues from  churches I have served in the past. 

After everything is said and done, I am so full of joy. I am tired, but ready and excited for the adventure. I know this is what I am supposed to be doing and am glad to be in a place to fulfill Gods call on my life. It has its challenges, and my family is struggling still to translation. However, it is good. God is good. 

Back in the saddle again

It is really nice to be back in school. Life this past year has changed drastically for us. God has been preparing us for something new for about two years now, and we are just now in the cusp of a brand new adventure. 

In one week, the family and I will be moving to IA for our first pastorate. Although it is difficult to leave friends and family, I could not have more peace that this is God at work. He has prepared us for this moment in time. Scary? Yes. Exciting? Absolutely. 

God has plans far beyond ours. This is evident everywhere. What a joy it is to have the grace to walk with Him in this adventure. Glory he to god forever.